NEWS DAY | Dog days of summer / Archie proposes / Stinking up Hutchinson / Slumlord sightings / Zombies redux

The dog days of summer are traditionally a very slow news season. Are you are tired of the currently loudest news stories–locally, that would be the F-guy and nationally, the gun-toting “protesters” dogging the President’s trail? If so, today’s News Day has some lighter-weight stories for your reading enjoyment – from “kinda funky” festival in Hutchinson to 95 Lutherans in Minneapolis to zombie research in Canada.

Archie proposes The Washington Post reports that Archie, the 70-year-old perpetual teenager, is proposing to “that shallow, conniving, materialistic tease,” Veronica — today.

Stinking up Hutchinson No, this is not more news about off-shoring operations by Hutchinson Technology – it’s the genuinely high-smelling Garlic Festival, with 2,000 people turning out last weekend, reports MPR.

“It’s kind of funky, it’s kind of spicy, it’s got a little bit of a reputation — undeserved — for being stinky,” [fesitval director Jerry] Ford said. “What better catch? And we looked at models of garlic festivals around the country and we couldn’t find one that had failed.”

Among the more unusual offerings: garlic ice cream.

Slumlord sightings Two bloggers take on North Minneapolis slumlords, with Johnny Northside naming four owners of 107 rental properties, and Ed Kohler of The Deets creating Googlemaps of the properties they own. In his usual inimitable style, Johnny Northside identifies “the House of Poop” and other neighborhood landmarks.

Drunk as a Doe? The PiPress’s Usual Suspects blog reports that police were called to Rumors and Innuendoes bar to arrest a drunk and disorderly man, who refused to identify himself. That made him “John Doe” for purposes of arrest, with one officer writing in the official report, “Doe was as drunk as anyone I have ever encountered in my 10 years of being a licensed peace officer.” (Doe wouldn’t talk, but his cell phone eventually gave up his real name.)

Did everybody go to the bathroom? I remember that line from childhood, and it’s soon becoming much more relevant to Minnesota drivers, as MnDOT closes 13 rest stops and travel information centers. Some of the closures will be relatively short-term, but others will last more than a year. MPR reports that the rest stops, which are closed by construction projects, are around Albert Lea, Avon, Duluth, Forest Lake, Harris, Owatonna, St. Charles, Stillwater and Worthington.

95 Lutherans Echoing Martin Luther’s 95 Theses, nailed to the door of a church in Wittenberg in 1517, 95 Lutherans distributed their personal stories of life as gay and lesbian pastors to the ELCA assembly in Minneapolis. The group includes 17 Minnesotans, reports Minnesota Independent, which published the list of Minnesotans “taking a stand on the ELCA vote on ordaining openly LGBT clergy in committed relationships.”

Finally, just in case you missed this post yesterday, here is the Dog Days Zombie Report:

The august BBC reports that two Canadian universities teamed up on research showing that:

If zombies actually existed, an attack by them would lead to the collapse of civilisation unless dealt with quickly and aggressively. …

To give the living a fighting chance, the researchers chose “classic” slow-moving zombies as our opponents rather than the nimble, intelligent creatures portrayed in some recent films.

And the Pioneer Press reports that a Minnesota woman once arrested at a “Zombie Dance Party” is now charged in Texas with sending an email threatening the life of an FBI snitch Brandon Darby, the community activist-turned-informant. No info available about what the email actually said, but the PiPress has fascinating detail about the 2006 zombie arrest during the Aquatennial Parade:

Members of the group said they intended the display as performance art and social commentary on “what they believed to be the mindless nature of consumer culture,” U.S. District Judge Joan Ericksen later wrote in a court ruling. They used their sound system to broadcast “silly mock advertisements like ‘brain check on aisle five,’ ‘get your brains here,’ and ‘brains,’ ” Ericksen wrote.

Police originally told them to turn down their music, but the confrontation escalated into arrests. The zombies were taken into custody for alleged disorderly conduct and for allegedly violating a law passed after the 9/11 terrorist attacks that made it a crime to alarm the public with simulated weapons of mass destruction.

They were never charged, but they sued the city and Hennepin County for false imprisonment, assault, battery and defamation.

1 Comment

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One response to “NEWS DAY | Dog days of summer / Archie proposes / Stinking up Hutchinson / Slumlord sightings / Zombies redux

  1. Ron Salzberger

    Veronica! All these years we thought it would be Betty. There


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